Not So Tall Now, Huh?
by emailtakenagai
Summary: Zim has successfully taken over Earth, somehow, forcing Dib to steal a prototype cruiser and flee the planet. Now, it's up to him to to search the galaxy and build a resistance crew to take back his home, starting with his first lead: Tak. One thing lead to another, and now the entire crew is charging straight for The Massive. Also, what's so special about this prototype? DATR


Dust, a relatively unknown planet, named after its barren, desert surface and warm atmosphere, is located on the Border sectors according to the Irken mapping of the Milky Way. It is designated to be a 'Useless Planet' by Irken Navigators, though being designated in the first place makes it far more valuable than Earth. It has no valuable resources for trade or competent alien races to enslave. Its wildlife is extremely aggressive, hostile and difficult to contain and combat, having evolved in the ruthless living conditions. It is a surprise that there even exists local life, or any other life, on this planet at all.

This, of course, makes the planet a perfect hiding spot for galactic criminals, often defined by simply escaping Irken enslavement, or opportunistic bounty hunters seeking fortune from hunting said criminals.

'THE HIDEIOUS AND MOST CERTAINTLY UNDESIRABLE 'TAK'

WANTED FOR: FIRST DEGREE FRAUD. SECOND DEGREE FRUAD. THIRD DEGREE MURDER. PRACITICING MURDER WITHOUT A LICENESE. BOUNTY HUNTING BOUNTY HUNTERS. BAD POETRY."

"That's weird, why is she wearing a human disguise on this planet?" Dib uttered as he tore down the poster from a wall before crumpling it and putting the ball in one of his trenchcoat's pockets. This disguise of her looked just like the one she wore on Earth, years ago, with that same blue bob cut hairstyle and thin purple eyeliner. "I wonder if anyone in this town knows where she is. Well, know more than the I do, at least."

"I wonder if you'd stop talking to yourself." Dib turned around. There was a large humanoid brute-like alien thing covered entirely in what appears to be thick layers of brown rock skin. "I thought you had some sort of neurotransmitter or something, whatever fancy technology you guys with spaceships would have. But the way you talked, going 'I hope I can do this' or 'I wonder if I'm being followed' proves you're not actually talking to anyone."

"How long have you been following me?" Dib said, stepping back from the creature.

"Don't know. How long have you been walking?"

"Right. Does this mean-"

"I heard everything. You're human and recently had your homeworld taken over by Irkens. Blah. Haven't we all? After stealing that prototype cruiser, that you now parked at Dump and Ride, you escaped and now need to find another 'human' named Tak, because she is the only one that could, or would, help you take back your Earth because she hates this Zim irken or something. Also, your name is Dib." The rockman pronounced his name in a mocking manner.

"Wow. I did not realize I revealed so much. If there was a third guy tracking us, he would conveniently know my story. At least I was right about the following thing, erm-"

"Rock," he interrupted.

"Seriously? You're named Rock?"

"With an R, yeah."

"I meant, your personal name. Not like the name of your species or-"

"My parents thought they were funny. I'm a rockman."

There was an awkward silence as the human and rockman stared at each other. A tumbleweed bounced pass them, acknowledged by neither Dib or Rock.

"Your big head fascinates me. Are all humans so freakishly disproportional except for Tak or are you the freak? "

"I get that a lot. Both the freak and the big head thing. I have no idea why: my head isn't even that big." Dib said, scratching the back of his neck before adjusting this trenchcoat. It's just way too hot to keep wearing the thing. "Speaking of Tak, she's not really a human."

"She sure looks like your kind: smooth looking skin, four limbs, a voice that makes my skin erode in pain."

"Doesn't that describe nearly every alien race?"

"Whatever. So, what do you mean she's not a human? Don't tell me she's an Irken invader trying to take over Dust with a disguise. That doesn't even make sense considering that being a race that nobody recognizes isn't exactly blending in." Rock gave a chuckle. "Then again, Irkens aren't exactly smart."

"Hey!" Dib said, annoyed. "Say what you want about Irkens, but I don't think you should really call Tak dumb. Evil, deceptive and cruel, maybe, but not dumb. She nearly took over my planet in a single day! Compare that to Zim, who took like four years."

Rock raised an eyebrow, well, kind of, Rockman don't really have eyebrows, as though implying 'You're defending an Irken? What a fool!'

"I say whatever I want to say." Rock took a menacing step forward, in front of Dib, to intimidate him. It didn't help Dib that he was taller than him by about a head, even though Dib himself wasn't too short. He had grown, after all, puberty and everything. Not but much, but he was taller than Zim… or should be. "So, you really think you could do better than the trained bounty hunting groups that have hunted and failed to get this 'invader' of yours?"

Dib took a look down, towards his feet. He hadn't thought of that. Of course it wouldn't be that easy.

Rock gave out a mocking laugh, before petting Dib in the shoulder. "I thought so. Listen, I kind of like you kid. I'm not sure why, maybe because I pity you, or maybe because I think you could actually do it. You remind me of Vortians – all brain no guts kind of thing."

"You're going to help me?"

Another cruel laugh. "Go to The Rotten Barrel and tell the bartender that Rock sent you. He'd be sure to shoot you in the head for a discounted price. Saves the trouble of finding Tak to do it for you."

"Should have thought so," Dib turned to walk away, in search for another lead or something, but was stopped by a tap on the shoulder with an object he felt to be metallic.

"You need to be armed around here." Rock held out a gun in front of Dib. It resembled an Earth revolver, if it were designed by a toy company. The barrel, or, as Dib considers it, the part of the gun with the hole where the projectile comes out of, was coated a bright yellow. The body, the part you hold, was made out of similar material, but the colour of the coating was a kind of mint red.

"Wow! You're really giving me a gun? And only because you thought I'm going to die? Where did you even keep it?" Dib exclaimed, one half excitingly and the other trying to murder that excitement with doubt. Rock's nodding caused Dib's eyes to widen further. "But I don't even have a license."

"Human, I know you're new to this whole galactic exploration thing, but people come to Dust because they don't have licenses."

Dib accepted the gun and gripped it, examining his weapon thoroughly, moving it around to get different angles.

"Did your dad never teach you how to hold a weapon of destruction or something? Don't point the thing at something you don't intend to shoot-"

"Sorry! I just thought it looks cool!"

"Or put your finger on the trigger unless you want to kill the thing you're pointing at. Stop handling that weapon like an Irken."

"Do you always make fun of other races?"

"Are you always this much of a wimp? Are humans all wimps like you are? We already have Plookesians to get offended at everything. " There was no use arguing with Rock, was there? "By the way, Dib, that gun is yours to keep. I have plenty other, far better ones. I was probably go to sell that for 100 monies anyway. Now, the next time I see you, you better be alive or your corpse better have my gun."

With that, Dib's new acquaintance simply walked away, somewhere into the town. Guess that was the goodbye, Dib thought. The streets were mostly empty, with only a few occasional alien races, like rockman and some other kinds that Dib had never seen before. The area really reminded Dib of those old cowboy movies, where the hero is in search for a villain. "High noon," Dib said to himself.

He took a walk around, just searching for something that would somehow lead him to Tak. Dib tried to using his cargo pants pocket as a holster, but the gun was way too small. The consideration to just use the part of the pants that latches onto the butt was considered, just like in cop movies, but was thrown away in favor of simply hiding the gun inside a inner pocket of this trenchccoat.

"There has to be something around here that can be help me locate her," Dib said, out loud again. "Gee, I wonder where The Rotten Barrel is."

Just then, Dib noticed a large sign on top of a rather small wooden-looking building in front of him. It wasn't likely real wood. The sign simply said, 'The Rotten Barrel' with a drawing of, as expected, a barrel with mold growing on it.

"Wow! First a random alien gives me a weapon and some information, and now I found exactly the place I was looking forward. Imagine if Tak was just inside."

Dib's vibe of spaghetti westerns, not that he really watched any, tightened as he the pushed energy-field saloon doors open. As his eyes adjusted to the new, darker light of the saloon, and his ears picked up the new sounds of wondering and mixed chatter of other aliens inside, he picked up a scent completely foreign to him. It reminded him of alcohol back on Earth but mixed with a hint of detergent. An odd, completely contradictory mix.

He took note of the aliens. At one corner, there were a species that reminded Dib of bipedal but extremely thin cockroaches playing a game of… something that looked like a mix of darts, ice hockey and pool. In front of him was the counter itself. They looked oddly familiar, but he couldn't remember where exactly he had seen them before. Dib was surprised to see that the bartender was not a rockman but, rather, another member of the bipedal cockroaches.

Dib walked up, took a seat and tried to grab The Bartender's attention. "Hello?"

"A new face. A new race. What will it be? I'll make it with haste." The Bartender didn't bother turning around to look at Dib. "That was kind of lame, wasn't it?"

"Erm... w-w-what am I allowed to have? I'm only fifteen." Dib said, stuttering. Damn it, why did I tell him my age, what was the point of that Why am I even considering ordering a drink? I'm suppose to be looking for information, Dib thought to himself.

"Whatever your monies allows you to buy." The Bartender was now 'scanning' drinking glasses with a visible ray coming out of device he's holding.

"Well, see, that's kind of the problem."

"You're telling me you have absolutely no monies at all, big-headed-"

"Human," Dib interrupted, his arm supporting his chin. The Bartender froze.

"Human?" He was now finally looking at Dib, shooting a look of extreme curiosity.

"Pretty sure, unless the test tube I was grown in also contained Ir-rockman blood or something." Dib had to hold back the temptation to mention the Irkens, who knows how these aliens would react to even joking about being one.

"Your kind is genetically engineered and mass produced?"

"No. I'm just an exception," Dib said, a little dejected. The Bartender gave a nod. Not sympathetic. It was just a nod.

"No other humans on Dust except for one. You looking for Undesirable, or trying to become another?"

"Yes!" Dib quickly realized the implications. "I mean no! I mean the first one! Looking!"

"All you have to do is turn around, human," said The Bartender, pointing behind Dib. Dib looked over his shoulder, only to be met with The Bartender's laughter. "Got you."

Dib said nothing as he gave The Bartender an annoyed glance.

"Come on. You got to admit. Funny."

"Not really," Dib said dismissively, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't have time for this."

"Sure you don't. What if I gave you a drink, on the house? You would have time then."

"I guess. I mean, normally I would have some lead by now but I'm just completely lost." Dib sighed and shifted his shoulders on the counter.

"Sometimes, we need time off. To think things. Become calm. Spend monies at my saloon." The Bartender turned around and turned some knobs at the area of the bar where they make drinks. Dib didn't really pay too much attention as The Bartender went from station to station, before returning with a glass with a murky, purple looking liquid inside. It smelled like detergent.

"Thanks but why are you giving me a drink?" Dib asked.

"How would I know I wouldn't die drinking this?" Dib looked at his drink with a slight look of disgust. The Bartender went into a laugh similar to his earlier one. Must be a catchphrase.

"By having a slip."

With a shaky arm, trembling, Dib grabbed the cup and slowly brought it to his mouth. Slowly getting closer and closer and closer to his lips.

Closer.

And closer.

And closer.

"Just drink it already," said The Bartender, eying Dib's unnecessarily dramatic display. "If it kills you, I'll refund it."

"But I got it for free."

"Oh. That's right."

Aside from the sounds of bipedal cockroaches playing ice hockey dart pool and more tumbleweeds, the counter was uncomfortably quiet.

"Why are you giving this for free anyways?" Dib asked, his glass of purple now resting on the counter, far away from entering his body.

"Just felt sorry for yea. I haven't seen your kind ever, and since you have no monies, I assumed your homeworld got taken over by Irkens, like the rest of us. Not only that, but you got your heart broken."

"Heart broken? You think, I'm-" Dib stopped himself, the thought making him a little nauseous.

"You look like you actually drank the thing now. Actually, you look worse."

"What was that meant to be anyways?" Dib asked, as he swirl the liquid around to form white clouds among the purple skies inside.

"The Abductor or you being in love with our Undesirable?" The Bartender went back to 'scanning' glasses.

"Both?" Dib gave another sniff at his glass of Abductor. "Why is the drink called The Abductor?"

"Because it takes you places."

"Wait," Dib shouted, pushing the cup away. Not enough for it to fall off the counter and break on the ground, but pretty drastically nevertheless. "This was meant to make me unconscious so you could kidnap and perform weird experiments on me!"

"What?" The Bartender stopped drying and, giving a little chuckle, continued. "I meant- forget it."

Conservation, at least for a short while, had ended. The Bartender went back to drying glasses, mugs and other things that need drying with his device. At least, it probably was a dryer – maybe it was also or instead being used for sterilization. Dib curiously watched as the bartender skillfully lined up glasses in a certain rows or orders to be able to 'scan' them all at once.

"What's that you're using? That red scanner thingy?" Dib pointed to the device.

"This? Oh. It's a Vibrator." He seemed pretty proud of his little tool, showing it off in front of Dib. "Supercharges liquid molecules by vibrating them in incredibly fast speeds. Instant evaporation."

"Does it work on all forms of matter? It sounds like it could be used as a weapon." Dib, you sound just like a bloodthirsty psychopath right there, he thought to himself. Just like Zim.

"Unless you can point it into someone's eyeballs, if they even have any, for a good five seconds, I doubt it'd do much. Maybe just give them a message or something."

After admitting that the device does seem pretty cool, Dib decided to just relax at the counter for a bit. It had been a long day, relative to him anyways as it was afternoon on Dust, traveling through space and all. He watched the bipedal cockroaches come over once in awhile to order some drinks. He noticed that the tumbleweeds seem to actually have sentient behavior, somehow.

After awhile, however, he felt like striking up another chat with The Bartender, maybe get to know his name or something. Besides, he isn't going to find Tak just by sitting around in a bar, waiting for something to happen.

Right before Dib got to open his mouth, however, there were a series of explosions and gunshots outside. Dib expected the rest of the bar to react the way he did – by shaking, getting up from his seat and looking around in panic.

"Hey man, happens all the time here. Just stay calm," said The Bartender, still, as Dib guessed, scanning the glasses.

"Stay calm?" Dib shouted, his eyes still gazing around, his stance still prepared for a fight, or an escape if necessary. "How are you supposed to stay calm when there are explosions going right outside?"

"Well, you could have these explosions happen everyday. You can't tell me you came to Dust expecting everything to be peaceful, now, did you?"

Dib refused to budge.

"Look," said The Bartender, a little annoyed. "If something does show up, we can get them. We have guns and drinks, and many people here would like to keep drinking. The only people that would show up causing trouble would be someone with some sort of disdain for this planet. Disregard. Abandonment. Someone who truly doesn't care about staying on this planet and drinking our drinks."

Just then, the energy saloon doors burst open with an electric deactivation. "Everyone in this saloon, get on the ground! I don't wish to hurt anyone that didn't deserve it."

That was…

"But all of you do, so now just stay out the way so hurting you would be worth too much work!"

Convenient.

Dib jumped from his position, venting over the bar counter as soon as gunfire, a mix of bullets and energy bursts of lasers and pulse shots, went off in all directions. He hunched down, taking cover, joined by The Bartender.

"She fits all that," muttered The Bartender. "There's a reason why she's the only bounty that people that aren't jerks are also hunting."

"That's Tak?" Dib whispered, too afraid to look up from the counter.

"I assumed someone so eager to hunt her would recognize her voice."

There were tables being turned over as the energy doors popped open.

"Give it up," said a bandit or bounty hunter. Just someone who was probably trying to kill or capture Tak. "We aren't paying for the damages."

"Actually, Jim," said a second alien voice. This one was slightly gentler and softer. "Erm, I think the bounty can actually pay for it."

"Yeah, but I still don't want to," said supposedly Jim.

"You hear that, Tak! Jim doesn't want to pay! So, can you just, like, follow us to-"

There was an array of gunfire, followed by the roof crumbling a little. Must have been a warning shot.

"You will pay!" shouted Tak.

"Really?" That was Jim's friend or business partner or husband or whatever. He sounded more irritated than angry.

"I'm not coming back to this stinking, awful place of awfulness just because you broke a table." Dib caught The Bartender tightening his bipedal, cockroach jaws from Tak's statement.

"Well, if we kill or take you in alive, you won't have to. I don't see the prob-" Jim was interrupted by the sound of _pew-pew._ There was a seemingly never ending exchange of fire from this point on.

"We need to get out of here," whispered Dib to The Bartender.

"No. You need to get out of here. I'm staying and defending my saloon." With that, The Bartender crawled to another end of his counter, before grabbing what looked like a human gauge shotgun. Unlike Dib's revolver, this one looked like it was designed by Game Slave. Purple and green.

"Don't kill Tak, okay? Seriously, Don't. Kill. Tak."

The sound of shattered glass filled the saloon, causing The Bartender to hold his shotgun tighter.

"But she's destroying all my stuff!"

"Yeah, well. Just don't." Dib said, as he crawled around looking for some kind of opening or escape. He wasn't sure what was going on 'up there' as chairs were thrown into his corner of the bar and impact of punches filled the air. He was a lot less delicate than The Bartender, occasionally tripping despite crawling.

"You know, you really sound like you're in love with her right then." The Bartender gave a small chuckle, peeking over the counter. "Please don't hurt my Tak." He mocked, imitating Dib's voice.

"Can we not joke about this now?" Dib leaned intently against the counter under the impression that the closer you hug your cover, the safer you were. "Besides, I don't sound like that."

"I don't sound like that." Oh, this time it was even more exaggerated.

There was a small moment of silence as the gunfire stopped.

"Do I even sound like that?" Dib shouted from his cover, asking the whole bar for an opinion. From where he was peeking, he could see that supposedly Jim stopped firing, taking cover behind the ice hockey pool dart table. Jim's a rockman too, apparently, though gray rather than brown. His friend was purple. They both didn't sound like one, but what does Dib know, only having met another rockman once?

"You kind of do, actually," he said as he fumbled a bit with his weapon. Looked kind of like The Bartender's except it was white and red.

Dib gave a sigh before returning to realize the danger of the situation. From where he was crouching, he could see Jim and his friend or business partner or husband or whatever behind the same, now charred and bullet dotted, ice hockey dart pool table. Tak was nowhere to be seen. Dib didn't even get a chance to see her at all since her arrival. She, however, could clearly be heard, above the counter, on a balcony Dib hadn't noticed earlier.

"I'll give you one last warning. I've killed before and I'm not afraid to-" Tak stopped as a gun was fired, giving the sound of an energy burst. Dib, looking at the two rockman, knew it wasn't the two, as they were in cover the whole time.

Then he turned to his left. The Bartender was still aiming his gun at the balcony. He was the one who fired the shot. Everything was quiet. Dib noticed the Vibrator gun that must have been dropped during the firefight, grabbed it and stuffed it into his trenchcoat pocket.

"Move!" The Bartender shouted. Something small, metallic and round dropped from the balcony into The Bartender's side of the counter. Dib vent over the counter. Landed in the main saloon right before the electric bang.

Without even a brief interruption, a second explosion occurred. This one hit the top balcony, flinging chucks of the wall down to the first level, where Dib, Jim and Jim's follower were on.

It was quiet once again. The bipedal cockroaches that were playing ice hockey dart pool earlier were either gone or their corpses were well hidden. It was just Dib, Jim, Jim's champion and… good.

The Bartender was safe.

Before Dib could even acknowledge The Bartender's safety, however, Jim and his ally ran up to the stairs on the far left of the saloon. "Looks like I better follow them if I wish to find Tak." Dib said to himself, out loud.

"Fine. You can follow us but you won't get a share of the bounty, Seriously, I'm sick of people just partying up and taking all the loot without doing any of the work," Jim said. There was a large hole in the wall on the second level of the bar.

The view outside was nothing but a small amount of buildings and a seemingly endless desert that stretched on. Dib had not noticed, until now, that the canyons and rocks of this planet were purple rather than red. Why was that so? His eyes scanned the environment. There was no Irken invader in a human disguise or Irken invader without a disguise.

"I think we lost her, guys." Dib said.

"And I was hoping we could have settled this by today," Jim replied, sighing, as he looked outside the hole.

"Actually," Jim's partner said as he took out some sort of gray, rectangular calculator looking device, "as she probably haven't gotten far. We can simply track her using a thermal radar. If she's cloaking, she would still be pretty hot."

"I'm sure," shout The Bartender from below, "that the big headed human up there probably finds her pretty hot as well."

"Can you just shut up? I don't need this right now!" Dib shouted back as he adjusted his trenchcoat. The gun is still inside. If only he had a chance to use it during the fight. Originally wanting to return it, Dib slid in the Vibrator into the other pocket. He guessed that a little borrowing was acceptable now.

"Oh, yeah," said Jim's buddy, "You're-"

"Wait," Dib said. "Can I just know what your name is?"

"My name is Ruwen."

"Good, now I can keep track of you better."

"Okie-dokie," said Ruwen, a little bit confused by that remark, "Anyways, back to my question: I just noticed that you're like the same race as Tak.. What's up with that?"

Dib considered telling the truth – that she was an Irken in disguise, that he had failed to protect Earth, that had tried to takeover it. But, on this planet, people actually seem to dislike him slightly less. He's not going to ruin it. Dib shut his eyes at the thought of betraying his new, temporary, allies.

It's for humanity.

"She's, erm, wanted back on my homeplanet, Earth. So, here to cap- kill her and all, yeah." If he said capture, they'd think he's trying to steal their bounty.

"Oh. Cool. You need to provide proof of death or something? Because, like, she's worth more alive and all that for us." Ruwen said as he climbed down from the hole into the ground level, eyes focused on the tracker.

Dib uncomfortably shook his head as Jim followed Ruwen down the hole. Dib turned behind his shoulder to check up on The Bartender. Looking down from the balcony, he seemed fine – all limbs intact, not so much of a scratch. He had a scowl on his face and his arms were crossed, but he was fine.

"Hey, human," The Bartender said, putting his shotgun down on the counter, "Good luck." Dib gave a smile at the remark. "I'd need you alive to pay for the hole."

The Bartender continued. "I'm serious. That's not a joke; stop laughing."

Dib climbed down the hole to catch up with Ruwen and Jim. It wasn't really that high a drop as the blast somehow managed to create steps down from the wreckage. Ruwen noticed Dib's intent fascination at his thermal tracker. "Vortian tech," he said.

"What are Vortians anyway?" Dib asked.

"They're, like, just Vortians man. I don't know how to explain it. Anyways, Jim"- Ruwen called out, "I think I found her."

"Hmm?" muttered Jim, turning around to face Ruwen.

"There's a lone heat signature on the outskirts, heading into the heart of the desert. She must have taken a vehicle or just ran really fast or something."

"Excellent. We'll get the buggy and follow it."

Dib's eyes widened. "The buggy? You guys have buggies? Like with wheels and everything?"

"Yup," Jim said, a little annoyed. "Were you expecting all of us to have hovercrafts or something?"

"No! It's just-"

"Just shut up and follow us, kid."

So he did. Dib followed them as they passed through alleyways and turned in all sorts of directions around the town. He even went pass the area where he met Rock earlier. Were they going to Dump and Ride?

Close. Dib spotted a buggy looking vehicle parked outside the Dump and Ride building, hooked to some sort of electric chain connecting to the wall. The buggy, a four seater, had a sort of an open design, like a convertible. The bottom, where the wheels are connected had a bit of a dome design.

After Ruwen did a little something with the chains and a device, like some sort of key, to cause it to disappear, they all got on the vehicle. Ruwen had opened Dib's door for him as a polite gesture.

"Hey, thanks."

"Oh, it's just what I do."

They rode off with decent speed. Not too quick but with the sense of urgency appropriate for tracking down a target. Jim took the wheel, driving the buggy to the outskirts of town and into the desert, while Ruwen watched the tracker, giving directions if necessary. Dib watched as some bird-like creatures he couldn't recognize flew overhead and some coyote-like creatures ran around in the distance. It was a pretty uneventful car ride.

They stopped at the foot of a cave in one of the purple cliffs. The passageway was surprisingly big enough for at least five of the buggies to enter side-by-side but Jim insisted that they continue on foot.

"I'm not sure if I expected Tak to live in a cave. I remembered her being more resourceful than that." Dib said, as he took out the revolver from his trenchcoat. Hopefully he didn't have to fire it.

"I think this is just a hideout, not the main base of operations," Jim said, also preparing his weapon, though he seemed more eager to fire it. "We've been tracking her for a week now. She doesn't stay in the same area for long."

"What gave you guys so much trouble? I mean, she isn't exactly that hard to beat, right?" Dib asked.

"No idea bro," Ruwen added, "I can't seem to remember man. Every time we got close, we somehow lost her."

"She must be using her eye-thingy!"

"Eye-thingy?"

"Some sort of mind control/memory wiper thing. She used it to brainwash people, back on my planet. She likely still has it now!"

"So, should we, like, wear goggles or something?" Ruwen asked.

"I don't know. I didn't get affected by it, likely because I'm-" Dib stopped himself. These two aliens were way bigger than him, and implying that they're dumber wouldn't be a good idea. "I'm wearing glasses."

"Guess goggles would work. Hey Jim, any spares in the car?"

"Yeah, I'll go get them." Jim turned around and went back, leaving Ruwen and Dib alone at the foot of the cave. From the entrance here, the cave seems completely dark, either the perfect hiding spot or the worse possible one depending on who you are. Tak probably falls in the former according to Dib.

"Why didn't you guys think of using goggles before?" Dib asked, still looking into the dark embrace of the cave.

"We also didn't think of buying a tracker, man. Like, normally our targets are easy, you know. Like, this one time, the guy with the bounty was literally the same guy putting up his own wanted posters."

"Really? Why would he do that? Won't he just draw more attention to himself?"

"You get paid like 10 monies for every poster man. It's a good deal," Ruwen said. "Unless you're the guy that's on the poster, like he was, then it's just silly."

Jim came back holding two pairs of goggles, tossing one to Ruwen who nearly missed the catch. As both the rockman put on their goggles, Dib took a closer look at their eyes. Glowly, full coloured ones. No pupils or anything like that – it's almost like they have light bulbs in place of eyeballs.

Weapons drawn, the three stepped forward into the darkness. Dib was about to ask about their lighting situation before Jim and Ruwen pressed a button on their alien shotguns, activating a flashlight-like device on mounted on the barrels of their weapons. While both of the rockman held their guns with both hands, Ruwen's left hand was supporting both the tracking device and the weapon, juggling his attention at regular intervals.

Dib followed Ruwen closely, having no flashlight of his own, holding onto his own revolver. Each step made by the three hunters were deliberate, gentle and quiet.

And yet Dib still managed must have stepped on something that activated a trap. Blue force fields erected around Ruwen and him. Jim, as the fields appeared directly below him, quickly reacted – by jumping into the captured area with the now captives.

"Dude, you could have just jumped outside," Ruwen said.

"I panicked," Jim quickly replied.

"It's okay man, happens to the best of us. Just gotta be careful next time," Ruwen assured, giving a gentle smile and nod.

"There might not be a next time," Dib shouted, "She's going to kill us!"

"No," said a voice from the darkness. Her voice. "At least, until after you explain yourselves."

The lights from the ceiling bloomed on, revealing the deeper ends of the cave to be very… Irken-y. It reminded Dib of Zim's base, with its curved edges and the purple colour scheme of its very alien looking tech, or the hotdog stand from years ago, only more carelessly integrated into the natural surroundings of the cliff. He could even spot exactly where nature starts and machine began.

On the other side, there was Tak standing on a heighten platform, near some computers and stuff. She was wearing her human disguise, though her outfit appeared modified for desert travel with a duster. Same colour scheme as before – purples and reds.

Jim fired his weapon but his shot was absorbed by the barrier.

"Dude," Ruwen asked, "Why did you even bother? You know it was going to just bounce off."

"Worth a try."

"Not really. Like, you'd have to pay for the-"

"Shut up!" Tak interrupted, "Both of you! It makes me want to kill you without doing my monologue."

Dib shouted from his position, waving his arms. "Am I allowed to talk?"

Tak froze before moving closer to the trap. She couldn't believe her holographic eyes… and real eyes, yeah. "You're Dib? From Earth?"

Dib nodded, eyes wide. His revolver wasn't pointing at anything. "Yes! Wow! Somebody remembered my name! And after all those years!"

"That's because your name gives me a sick feeling of hatred every time I think about it." Tak said calmly, as she stepped off her platform. It must have been at least half a story high but the fall didn't seem to impact her in any way. "At least, it used to. Now I'm just indifferent to it."

"Oooh," Ruwen slipped out, "looks like you two have some hist-" Ruwen's comment was put to an early end at the sound of laser gunfire directed near, but not at, him. A warning shot. Looks like whatever Tak's weapon was, it was programmed to pass through the barriers without a problem.

"Did I give you permission to talk?" Tak shouted.

"Not rea-"

"Shut up! That was a rhetorical question!" She kept her gun, held with a single hand as it was a sort of laser pistol, pointed at Ruwen and Jim. It was more focused on the former. "And you," she pointed with her free hand at Dib. "I have a few questions."

"Well, I have a lot of questions." Dib said. He didn't mean to challenge Tak or anything. He just really does have a lot of questions.

"I'll ask mine first. The most obvious one: what are you doing on this planet?"

"I need your help," Dib said as he holstered his revolver inside his trenchcoat. "Earth needs your help."

"You must be deluded, Dib," Tak walked towards the energy cage. "What makes you think I'll leave this planet and help you, someone who I have no reason to form an alliance with, retrieve a stinking, worthless planet that is of no interest to anyone?"

Dib looked at the ground at that statement. She wasn't wrong, she does have no reason to save Earth, well, other than one.

"Because Zim won." Tak's eyes widened at that sentence as she lowered her weapon.

"There's no way. You got to be lying!" Tak shouted.

"He… actually did." Dib was made to face the fact, again, that not only had he failed as self-proclaimed defender of Earth, but he failed to Zim.

"No! He's a defective! A mistake! He should not be able to takeover Earth, regardless of how stupid your people are! How did he even do it? Did he steal my plan? No, he wouldn't even consider it! He doesn't even have the Armada to back him up!" There was a bitter mix of both anger and self-loathing in those remarks.

"He did, Tak. Maybe not without help, but he just did. I'll tell you exactly how later, when we're back on the ship. I just got out as soon as things were too much for me to handle, stealing some sort of prototype ship from his one of his bases."

"Wait," Tak said, "One of his bases? He got more?"

"Yeah. This one was in the ocean!" Things quieted down a little as both Dib and Tak thought about the implications of Zim's success.

"You know, I have trouble taking over this planet." Dib raised an eyebrow as Tak continued. "Unlike your planet, I can't just trick the Armada to come and do my mission for me. I want this planet for myself, not to give it to The Almighty Tallest." Tak turned to the side, eying her gun and the lab. "You are aware, right? That the entire Irken Empire want me dead for being a laughing stock by losing to Zim?"

Dib gave a small nod. "That's why I thought"- he said, "that I could actually get your help."

Dib slowly approached the barrier, getting closer to Tak. "Why do you want this planet anyways," Dib added. "It's kind of worthless."

"You got to be kidding me. You don't know?" Tak asked. How could somebody not know the allure of Dust? The whole reason people fought and died on this planet.

Ruwen raised his hand. "Can I talk now?" His voice made Tak raise her pistol again, aiming it at him. "Okay then."

"This planet," Tak continued, "holds a treasure of unspeakable value." Ruwen was visibly tempted to add a sly joke about Tak's treasure hunting goals, evident by his hand covering, poorly, his laughter at the statement. "Buried within the depths of the surface, there are mysterious artificial caves, built by Those That Came Before, TTBC for short, called Vaults." Tak gave a little giggle. Evilish giggle, if that's a word that exists. "Not the most original name, but I assure you. They're real."

"So, you're now a treasure hunter? I actually kind of expected that, to be honest." Dib said, holding back a giggle of his own at the thought. Tak, Irken invader now turned delusional treasure hunter?.

Ruwen, against his judgment, spoke again. "Wait, so you actually believe the legends?" Surprisingly, Tak didn't shoot him for that. "This whole time, you were like this rouge assassin thing because you wanted treasure? You were a Vault Hunter?"

"Am," Tak corrected, "Am a Vault Hunter."

"Wow Tak," Dib said. "That actually sounds pretty cool."

"It sure beats being an invader," Tak said, smiling and holding back a chuckle. "I'm not even mad for what happened years ago, where Zim ruined my life. In a way, he kind of made it better." She let out the laughter she had been holding earlier. "I never felt so damned free in my life before! Back on Irk, back as part of society, everyday was a day of following orders, of impressing some taller Irken, just to become another slave to an even taller one!" Tak let out a fist in the air. She looked really pleased with herself, beaming with a sense of joy. "Now, I make up my own rules. I do things for nobody else but for me! I actually get to keep monies. Do you know, invaders and elites don't get paid in hard cold monies? They get promised a retirement of infinite respect and wealth given by the Almight Tallest instead."

Tak looked straight at Dib. Her weapon was on a computer terminal behind her. Her guard was down. "Do you know, no Invader or Elite has ever successfully retired before?"

"Well, I didn't," said Ruwen casually, causing everyone in the room to turn their attention to him.

"That was also a rhetorical question, you idiot!" Tak shouted.

"Look, man-" Ruwen said, "I just wanted to show I was listening."

"While I appreciate the thought," Tak said, "I still have very good reasons for killing you."

"Oh, I don't think I was that bad. Name one."

"Well, firstly, you tried to kill me first!"

"Hey! I really wanted to take you in alive!"

"Second," Tak was now holding her pistol. "You tried to get me imprisoned."

"You committed crimes, man."

"I only did it in self-defense!"

Dib took out the wanted poster, unfolding the ball, from his trenchcoat. "It says here that you're wanted for fraud, murder and bad poetry. Look, I'm willing to turn a blind eye to that, but you can't just go around ripping people off, both financially, artistically and literally, without expecting people to hunt you down."

Tak gave a sigh. Dib had a valid point. It wasn't a point she liked but it was valid… enough. She pointed her pistol at Ruwen. "Do you still want to bring me in?"

"Not when you have, like, the upper hand. That's dumb." Ruwen said, still holding onto his shotgun. "I think we should have, like, this thing where we stop fighting each other for awhile and then we're allowed to fight again."

"A truce?" Tak asked.

"Yeah, that thing. You and your friend can go and find the vault and we can just, like, not be around for awhile." Ruwen said, turning around to look at the exit of the cave.

"Why should I agree to that? It'd be easier to just kill you both now." Tak asked.

Jim held up his shotgun. "Because if you don't, we'll shoot the big-headed boy."

Dib's eyes shot open as he turned around to see Jim pointing the end of his gun directly at his face.

"Jim!" Shouted Ruwen. "What are you doing? We aren't betraying Dib. That's, like, a jerk thing to do."

"I know, but, she's going to kill us. We're bounty hunters, so sometimes we got to do things that might not seem right." Jim gave out a sigh. "Even if it means hurting kids like Dib. Besides, he lied to us."

"I didn't lie to you!" shouted Dib, confused.

"You told us you were hunting Tak as well. You even said you needed her dead." Dib turned to see Tak's pistol being pointed at him. Two people trying to get him killed now? Come on.

"Oh. I completely forgot I said that," Dib admitted. "Yeah, I kind of used you guys."

Ruwen was dejected. "Betrayed twice in one day?" He said. "First by a big headed alien I thought was friendly. Sorry, I just, I just kept noticing you head but I didn't say anything because I wanted to be polite and all. And then by my best friend?"

"I'm not betraying you," Jim said, throwing his shotgun down on the ground. "I just wanted us to live. He betrayed us first."

"This is not the way, bro," Ruwen said, dropping his gun down as well. "You gotta have honor."

"It's just, I thought I needed to be the tougher one of our pair. You were always too gentle and friendly. It's like you're a babysitter rather than a bounty hunter."

"Well," Ruwen said, after giving out a sigh. "I guess that's-"

The two rockman dropped to the ground with a trump. Dib looked at the scene of the two sleeping bounty hunters before turning around to face Tak.

"They were annoying me," she said. "But I felt too sorry to shoot them. At least this way, they can shut up and I don't have to feel bad about it."

The energy barrier, Dib's temporary prison, fall at those words. "You used your eye thingy? I thought they had to be looking at you or something."

"I improved it," Tak said as she gestured for Dib to step out of the would-be cage. "Now it can render targets unconscious if I simply will them to, regardless of their intelligence. Want me to demonstrate on you?"

"What? No!" yelled Dib. Tak gave out a small, oddly friendly laugh with no malicious intent. It was just the laughter of a good joke. Was that rare for her?

"I was kidding. The thing needs to recharge anyways. It would a couple days before it does, actually. It's why I rarely use it. They'll be sleeping on that floor for a couple of hours. By then, I'd already have something prepared for them. Follow me, Dib." He did as she asked, watching as Tak walked up the platform, up some steps. Mysteriously, the barrier rematerialized as soon as Dib was far enough away from it. "Neurotransmitters. Recently got them. It's like a remote in my head."

"That's cool!" Dib couldn't imagine the complete possibilities of being able to control things with his mind. Maybe if he had a neurotransmitter, he could. "But won't you need surgery or something to get it installed?"

"You're saying that as though it's a bad thing."

"No. It's just, I've never gone for surgery before."

Tak gave a look of fascination as they walked. "Wait, really? With the stories you told me about Zim and your sister, you never got hurt so badly that they needed to replace your organs?"

"I don't know. I always seem to just walk it off or borrow Dad's equipment if I get really, really hurt. Maybe one of them did nanosurgery or something."

"You should consider it. You could replace your eyeballs with superior ones that don't need those glasses."

Dib gave a nervous nod as they walked deeper into the base. Having better eyesight does sound cool. lights illuminating with every couple or so footsteps to light the way. There were doors on every side of the wall, along with computer terminals, pipes and wires. "What are we going?"

"Oh. I forgot to mention, this cave is where one of the vaults are located."

"No way! You already found one?

"I've been on this planet for about three years, Dib. The only problem is opening the things. I've been trying to drill it but the doors are too resilient to even Irken technology. You need a special key."

"A key that can't be replicated, right?"

"In order to replicate a key, you'd need a copy. Might as well skip the additional step." Tak stopped walking. "We're here." The lights, with a seemingly sentient sense of timing, flickered on at Tak's remark, revealing a really small gray door made out of something that looks like steel , looking no bigger than the one Dib had for his bedroom lined up against a cave wall.

"That's the Vault door?" He asked, pointing at the seemingly ordinary door. "But it looks just like a regular one back on Earth."

"Looks can be deceptive. You, of all people, should know that." Tak turned to look at Dib. "I tried explosives, drills, thermal drills and lockpicking. The thing just won't open."

Dib was about to say something but was interrupted, "Yes," Tak said, "I tried to dig around it. That's why you can see my lab extending along the walls of the Vault."

Dib reached out for the knob of the door and tried to twist it. It really was locked.

"What are you doing?"

"I thought I'd just try to open it." Dib retraced his arm from the door.

"I already said it was locked. What makes you think you'd be able to open it?"

"Maybe it responds only to humans or something."

Dib turned to look around the rest of the facility. Unlike Tak or Zim's bases back on Earth, this place had a lot less Irken influences. Dib could recognize pure Irken infrastructure – they were very round, with no sharp edges, with pipe-looking things lined up along the walls. This place, while retaining some influence of that, as evident by the computers and some of the walls, seemed to be mixed with other alien styles foreign to Dib. There were sharp corners at turns and the doors were rectangular rather than oval. Dib shivered as he studied the layout. That must be the air conditioning technology.

"I have a couple of questions, Tak." Dib said, turning to face her as she sat by a nearby desk, fiddling a bit with the computers.

"Shoot." Dib felt his blood physically perk at that word. Not only was she willing to answer all sorts of questions he had about alien technology and Tak herself, but she actually knew how to use human expressions without botching them completely? Man, this is amazing.

"My first one: why are you wearing your human disguise on this planet? Why not one of the native races? In fact, what's stopping you from just being an Irken?"

"Well, if you want everyone to want you dead rather than mostly everyone, be my guest. It's a long story but I noticed that a human disguise works really well for what I need to do." Tak rotated her chair to face Dib, her hands on her knees. "You wouldn't happened years ago, when Zim destroyed my ship. If I didn't have my disguise on, I would have been destroyed by that ship."

"I was going to ask you about that, actually," Dib said excitedly. "I always wondered if you were still alive, and then how you were, when I noticed that your ship was empty. Did you have an escape pod? That had to be the only explanation up there."

Tak raised her eyebrow. "My ship was empty? You found my ship?"

"Yeah! It landed right in my backyard actually. It was really convenient."

"Must have been the autopilot. But why the autopilot would choose your home rather than my place or directly striking Zim's base is a mystery… unless…" Tak trailed off in her thought. "Do you still have the ship?"

Dib shook his head. "Zim tore it apart."

Tak gave a disappointed sigh. "I was hoping I could have taken a look at the flight data. It was, after all, modeled after my personality."

"So were your defense systems," Dib grumbled. "You really don't respond to reason as a machine."

Tak gave out a long laugh at that, struggling to catch her breath. "It-It. Oh Tallest, this is brilliant. It must have been like 'I am going to tear your legs off' or something nonstop."

"I don't find it as funny." Dib said.

"That's because it was trying to kill you. How did you even stop it?"

Dib awkwardly scratched his shoulders at the memory. "I, kind of, deleted you by downloading my personality into the ship."

Tak gave out another laugh. "If you didn't follow proper protocols, that means-"

"Yup. It thought it was me. Here's the most depressing part: it deleted itself."

That only seemed to make Tak laugh harder. "Oh Tallest! That happens very rarely. Only twice in recorded Irken history have a ship's AI deleted itself, and in one cases it's because the user was a complete failure. The other because the AI had extreme philosophy problems. I'm guess you were the former." Tak noticed that Dib didn't seem to be having as much enjoyment as she did out of the fact by how he was staring at his feet. "Fine. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Tak. I kind of got over it."

"I'm a complete failure as well." Tak gave a small smile as she said that. "You know, I probably would have failed that test back on Deva- wait, you don't know this! You don't know how Zim ruined my life, do you?"

Dib closed his eyes to try and recall if he did before, accompanied with a shrug of his shoulders, opening them as though to say 'nope.' Tak beamed at the chance to finally reveal her past to someone that would listen. It actually spent surprisingly… good.

"In order to become an Invader- wait, do you even know that being an invader is, or at least I used to think it was, the highest privilege that could be granted, besides being a Tallest?"

Dib taken back at that statement. What? "But, wait, is Zim an actual Invader? Are you telling me that his actually higher ranking than you?"

Tak's gave out a sigh as her face turned from a smile into a scowl, and rotated her back towards him, literally. Dib started to pace things together from the context. Mentioning that Zim was an invader. Ruined life. Test to become an Invader…

"Oh. I would laugh but I don't really find it that funny." Dib admitted.

"Someone like Zim is an invader, Dib! Zim's an invader and I'm not! That means that I'm worse than the biggest mistake in the Irken empire." She wasn't shouting. It was a quiet kind of anger.

Dib considered his next words carefully. He could joke about how Zim was, indeed, a mistake, and that assigning him as an Invader was evidence of that. He could talk about how Tak's probably not the only Irken to not be an an elite. Instead, he opted for something different. Hopefully he doesn't regret it.

"I think you're better than Zim in every way possible and I wouldn't have any other Invader take over my planet." Tak quickly turned her chair to face Dib, staring at him in the eye.

"What are you trying to imply?" Was Tak resentful or confused? Dib couldn't tell.

"I mean, I wouldn't have any invader take over my planet, but if I really, really have to," Dib looked away, feeling as though a mysterious force was squeezing his throat. "It'd be you."

There was a silence as the two beings, human and Irken, stared at each other with a blank look on their face. Tak let out a sigh.

"We need to get the Vault key. After months of waiting, I've finally located a dealer." Tak said as she turned back to the computer, checking something on the screen. It must have been the details of the deal or something. "Funny you should show up at such a critical time. As soon as we open this Vault and get whatever is inside, we can leave this planet."

"Wait, just like that? You're willing to follow and help me take back Earth? I thought you'd be a difficult person to persuade."

"To be honest, I got nothing better to do after whatever is held inside this Vault makes me richer than an Irken Navigator. And traveling with you, I can escape my bounty." Tak got up from her seat, grabbed a suitcase that was hidden under the desk, and walked back through the lab, towards the entrance of the cave.

"Where are you going?" Dib asked, following along.

"Where else? The deal."

"What's in the case?"

"A lot of monies. A. Lot. Of. Monies."

"Where did you even get so much money?" Dib eyed the briefcase. It seemed to have automatically handcuffed itself, with an energy beam not unlike the buggy's chains or the trap, to Tak's wrist while they talked.

"Why else would I be wanted?"

"You stole it?"

"Well, I don't intend on returning it to the rightful owner's grieving families. Mostly because they don't have families. Don't worry Dib, they were bad people. At least, I'm pretty sure they were."

Tak walked down the raised platform onto the ground level of the cave, past the sleeping Jim and Ruwen. Rockman seemed to be breathe just like humans would, with the torso just rising and falling.

"They'll wake up after we leave Dust. Hopefully."

"Shouldn't you be turning on the light-prison thing?"

"No. I want them to either leave this cave if they wake up too early or too late. If I were to let them starve to death by locking them in as we abandon this lab, I might as well shoot them right now."

"Aren't you afraid they're going to touch something?"

"I activated the base defenses. If they get shot by turrets, it's completely their fault now."

Tak pressed her temple, causing a typical car alarm to ring nearby and a hovercraft-looking vehicle, currently grounded, to uncloak. It looked like a jellyfish on its side, parallel to the ground. Painted in red with purple stripes, it was obviously an Irken craft that has been heavily modified. The cockpit windows swung open. Tak and Dib climbed inside with little trouble.

"It's happening near the hideout, by an abandoned query. About a fifteen minute drive from here." Tak announced as she activated the vehicle, causing it to float and the cockpit controls to light up. Tak resisted the urge to tell Dib not to touch anything. He had to be mature enough, right?

With a quick zoom, they were out of the cave. Dib watched as the desert slowly revealed itself once more as his 'inferior eyes' adjusted to the bloom of natural sunlight. The hovercraft, being frictionless, was much faster than the buggy.

"Well, if we're going there to meet a bunch of people, I won't exactly call it abandoned."

Tak gave a snort. "Funny."

They spent the ride mostly in silence. Dib felt like opening his mouth at times, to ask questions about, pretty much anything that came to his mind, like what Tak probably ate for breakfast, but decided to retain them in the end. He looked outside the window, watching canyons pass by, unable to bring himself to say a thing.

Tthe hovercraft jerked to a complete, sudden stop. "We're here," Tak announced, pressing a couple buttons on the cockpit before grabbing the briefcase resting on the seat. The window retracted back. Tak shot a look at Dib, giving out a sigh. "Stay here. Don't touch anything."

"Wait? I don't get to follow along?" He didn't want to miss the most exciting part, after all. "Why not? What if you get ambushed or something."

"A better reason to stay here then. I told them I would be meeting alone." Tak reached for her pocket. Then she quickly reached for her other pocket, this time trembling. "No. No no no no no."

"What is it?"

Tak uttered an unintelligible grumble, at least, to Dib. "I left my weapons at the base," she said.

"Do we still have time? Maybe we could-"

"No. We don't. I can't afford to keep these people waiting." Tak gave out a sigh, climbing out of the cockpit.

Dib reached into his trenchcoat and took out his revolver. Tak shut her mouth, sealing a satisfied giggle, as she accepted the weapon. "Thanks. I guess you aren't so useless after all."

"That's odd: if you thought I was useless, you would have left me back at the base."

"Useless, Dib," Tak inspected the weapon, sliding the barrel open. "Like this gun."

Dib climbed out of the craft, his legs going out first. Landing on his feet, he examined the gun in Tak's hands, watching the opened chamber. It was empty. The gun was not loaded. It never was.

"You bought a gun without ammo?" Tak's hands were clinched around the grip.

"I didn't really buy it."

"You stole one without-"

"No. I was given one without a bullet." Dib sighed. "Knew it was too good to be true."

Tak slid the chamber closed and proceeded to aim it at imaginary targets, switching repeatedly between different ones, in the distance, as though concentrating for a shot. A shot that doesn't exist. Dib then had an idea. "We could still bring it to the deal."

Tak's eyes widened. That wasn't bad, human. "You're right: they will still think I'm armed." She took a glance around the site. Tall, unused cranes littered the query, as though they were designed from the start to watch the deal spot – a crater in the center. A perfect place for a swimming pool, if you liked dusty water, or a trap. Like shooting barrels in a really, really big fish that kept really still.

"Dib," Tak bit her top lip. "I might need your help."

Dib jumped. "Really?"

"No, I just said that to mess with you." The look on Dib's disappointed face made keeping in full drawn laughter difficult without pressing her mouth. "But, disregarding any jokes about your insecurity, I do actually require your assistance." She pointed at the cranes. "I want you to spy on the exchange from one of those, making sure nobody tries to shoot me at the back."

Dib gave a nod. "Got it. Erm, you don't actually think anything would happen right?"

"I almost guarantee that something would go wrong." Tak 'armed' herself, holding the revolver up as though it was loaded, carrying the briefcase to the meeting sight. She stopped to face Dib. "You're an unnecessary risk."

"Thanks for the confidence."

"No, really. You know what risk implies? A reward," Tak said. Dib returned a blank look. "Basically, I'm just glad I have you as backup but I know you might mess up."

"Could have just said that at first," Dib whined. "Do you always have to be so cryptic?"

"Cryptic? I'm never cryptic! I've always been pretty blunt about things, actually." Tak threw a punch into Dib's shoulder. Ouch. "Just get to your position and make sure I don't die."

Well, guess this is where we part ways, Dib thought. He faced himself towards a nearby crane, near the edges of the top of the bowl. "I should be able to get a pretty good view over there," Dib turned around to see that, where once stood an ally, there was nothing but dust. "Oh. You're already in position." Guessing it was a good idea to do the same, Dib crouched over to the base of one of the gray cranes overlooking the bowl. There was a ladder to the top, sparingly coated in brown patches. Rust. "This is going to hurt," Dib said to himself, out loud, so that any passerby could hear him. Of course, not intentionally.

Dib tried to control his breathing as he gripped a bar of the ladder. Tried to, at least. "Maybe I can just watch the meeting from here."

He leaned against the base of the crane, peaking out. In the distance, surrounded by walls of rock of the query, Dib could spot a couple little figures, and some buggies, around a wooden table. He made out one of them to be Tak.

"You should be able to hear me." Dib jumped, nearly losing his balance and falling into the bowl, but he gripped the ladder. This really hurts.

"What? How are you-" Dib screamed, turning his head left, right and behind his shoulders repeatedly.

"Shut up! Do you want to blow our cover?" Tak's voice interrupted. Tak's voice in his head, somehow. It was as though he was thinking in her voice, except the voice were rebels against his own brain or something.

"How are you talking to me?" Dib whispered.

"Great, now they're investigating. Good job." At the meeting spot, the other figures, Dib assumed to be the sellers of the Vault key, were now walked around with guns, pointed them at random corners of the bowl. "If only I had some of Dad's special x-ray binoculars," Dib said before noticing Tak in her human disguise. "Actually, maybe not."

"Listen," Tak's voice came on again, "I need you keep really quiet. I'm trying to convince them that it was just a bird."

"A bird? How did I sound anything like a bird?"

"You would not believe who the dealer is." Dib, taking a couple looks behind his shoulder, moved towards the edge. Making special attention to focus on the figure behind the table, Dib brought his palm to his mouth.

"That's The Bartender," Dib whispered. Bipedal cockroaches, he really should remember to ask Tak for the name of their species, all looked the same to him. Not to be offensive or anything, he just really can't tell them apart except for this one. He was holding his purple and green shotgun. His two henchman looked just like the ones playing Ice Hockey Dart Pool from earlier.

"It's a bartender from The Rotten Barrel. I kind of, accidentally, deliberately blew a hole in his bar." He was pointing aggressively with a claw at Tak before failing his arms around. He sure was irriated. Second understatement of today. "He wants me to bring extra monies for damages."

"Well, he always came across as a greedy type," Dib whispered.

"And I thought I was greedy," Tak's voice said. Dib raised his eyebrow. Was she even listening?

"Hey," Dib whispered. "Can you hear me?"

"Okay. He agreed to just do business as intended. Be careful up there, I count a missing henchman. So expect an ambush. Also, I can see your hair poking out of cover." Dib fidgeted with his hair as he quickly leaped deeper into cover. There was a loud thump as he knocked onto a rough, rocky material. Dib quickly turned to face a rockman.

"Hello, Dib," he said, saying Dib's name like a spit that had been trapped in his mouth for an insignificant amount of time. "See you finally tracked her down."

Dib gave a nervous nod. "Hello, Rock."

"Glad to know we both remember our names."

"I think you meant remembering the other's name." Dib said, strangling the cloth of his trenchcoat with his hand.

Rock took a single step forward, his shoulders right in front of Dib's head. "What if I meant our names?"

"Erm, that's… fine?"

Rock gave a really short chuckle. A mocking one. "That's what I thought." Rock looked behind Dib's shoulder to see that he had the good vantage point for the deal. "I see you're watching something. Up here. Comfortable?"

"Not until you showed up."

"Oh now," Rock moved a few paces back as his shoulders fall. His body looked like they were made out of individual stones magically stacked together. Must be uncomfortable if your species didn't evolve to handle that kind of roughness. The again, Irkens don't seem to have a problem with being infused with a backpack right into their spines. "No need for hospitality."

"Hostilities," Dib corrected. "Hospitality's the opposite of what you meant to say."

"No, I knew what I said." Rock pointed to the bowl. The Bartender was aiming his shotgun right at Tak, who was in turn aiming her, or rather, Rock's pistol at him. Two other bipedal cockroaches surrounded her, their own weapons drawn.

Dib sidestepped. There was a clash. Metal and rockskin colliding. Dib caught his balance and aimed himself at Rock, both fists clenched tightly by his side. Rock mimicked Dib's stance. "Where's my g-" Dib charged. Rock staggered, a leg slipping off the cliff. His face winced and his second leg joined the other. He yelled as he rolled down, cursing 'the dirty human' between groans of pain. "That was anticlimactic," Dib said to himself. Tak and The Bartender were still at a standoff, guns, unloaded and loaded, still pointing. Looks like they don't get easily distracted.

"Do something," Tak's voice said. No desperation. Expectation. She had actual faith in him! They were a team!

And since they were a team, he needed to do something. Running down and trying to punch as many bad guys in the face isn't an option. Well, it technically was, but it would make things far, far worse than they already were. "Oh, I got it." Dib reached into his trenchcoat. The Vibrator! "Just five good seconds."

He focused the red ray right at The Bartender's right eye. Not even a bit of flinching. "How is he not noticing this?"

Five.

Four.

Three.

"I'm not done with you, human."

Two. He could hear each climb Rock was making.

One.

There was a terrible scream. Two terrible screams. Gunfire. Each punch hurt so much. There was nothing to grip on his body and the kicking doesn't seem to do anything. "I was going to ask you where my gun was, you-" Rock didn't even bother finishing his sentence, instead opting to clinch his teeth. Rockman have teeth. Guess what material they were made out of. Rock.

"Good thing I didn't tell you. It was Tak's only weapon."

That punch was particularly loud, followed by a yelling of incomprehensible anger.

"Boss could have just shot her!"

"And I couldn't let him," Dib failed to roll out of his grasp. "Let go of me!"

"Sure thing." Rock grabbed both of his Dib by the torso and carried him. "I think it's only fair. After what you did."

Dib could feel his sweat dropping a long way down. "But that's different! You could roll down."

"I don't care." The fall was exhilarating. Dib felt his checks wobble as air rushed against him, failing to counter gravity. His trenchcoat fluttered and swung in all directions, like a cape of a superhero that was too delusional to realize he couldn't fly. He was falling face down.

"Got you!" Tak fall along with Dib, acting as a cushion for his fall, as she fall on her back. On her PAK. Even the spider-legs couldn't handle the catapulting force of a falling moron. Tak, without any delay, threw Dib off her, picked up the briefcase, and rolled onto her chest before getting up. She ran. Dib tried to follow after, but his back still hurt. Sort of. It's getting better.

"Wow! Thanks Tak!" Dib shouted, fighting for air. Oxygen. Her voice, the one inside the his head, replied.

"Get back to the Ground Cutter!" It yelled. Dib got back to catch Tak powering the engines and to witness the vehicle get into a quick hoover. He leaped into the cockpit, landing on his shoulder. The windows closed. Energy bullets deflected, causing nothing but mere dents.

Dib could hear, and feel, the Ground Cutter boosting away from the query.

"What happened back there? How were you speaking to me, even though you were-" Dib asked, as he got up and sat down on the chair rather than lie on the floor.

"They wanted to claim a bounty and get ten million monies." Tak noticed the wide-eyed look Dib gave on the briefcase. "Yes, that was how much was in it. To answer your question, Dib: neurotransmitters. Don't worry Dib, I can't hear a person's thoughts, yet."

Figures. Dib pushed his face against the window. "They don't seem to be chasing us."

"That's because we're cloaked and moving at such high speeds their inferior vehicles wouldn't even be able to catch up otherwise."

Dib relaxed his shoulders as he gave out a sigh. At least that was one life-endangering moment down. "For a second there, I thought we were really done for."

"Just a second?" Tak joked. At least she laughed right after. Zim would probably have taken it literally and screamed at him a couple more times.

"Right, several different seconds strung together to make a terrifying minute."

Tak burst into another fit. Since when did people find Dib funny? Normally they laugh at him, not with him. "Where did you get so much money, anyways?" Dib as he scooted closer to Tak.

"Stole it from a couple of different fools. A quick string of robberies Nobody who didn't deserve it.." Tak gave a different kind of laughter and turned to see Dib's reaction. Priceless. Mouth and eyes were opened wide, with the former being too indecisive to go into a frown or a smile. Then she noticed the swollen skin and the cuts. "Are you hurt?"

"Well, kind of," Dib admitted, rubbing a bruise on his check. "I mean, I probably wouldn't need anything."

"Definitely not surgery," Tak suggested, premature laughter escaping her.

"Definitely not."

The two talked for a bit about nothing in particular. Dib asked a couple of questions involving Dust's climate and ecosystem but Tak admitted that she had 'no idea how any of it all works. Researching humans were a lot easier. Anyone, including an Invader, could use the Internet, after all.

"Probably not Zim or he would have taken a lot earlier," Dib joked.

"Probably not."

"Speaking of Zim, I want you to follow me on the prototype cruiser. I know you probably have your own ship here-"

"I don't."

"What?"

Tak repeated herself. "I don't. Scrapped them for monies."

"What?"

Tak gave Dib a look: her mouth curling to the side. "Don't repeat it."

"Sorry. It's just: that sounded like a really dumb idea."

"It isn't really. If I really need to leave this planet in a hurry, I can just sneak into Dump and Ride."

"Don't those ships have like super high-tech security systems?"

"Maybe," Tak rubbed her holographic hair before turning some dials on the cockpit. "But I know for a fact that the keys for those ships aren't as well-guarded."

Keys. "Did you managed to get the Vault key, Tak?"

With a smile, Tak grabbed something from her holographic pocket and threw at Dib, whom instinctively caught it with a single hand. "Nice catch," she said.

Dib inspected the key. It looked very ordinary, like something he would use for his front door back on Earth. Remembering how the Vault door looked though, like the emergency exit of an apartment, it actually made a lot of sense.

Tak and Dib discussed the situation after they were done with this planet. "So, I take it that means you're joining me as we fly around space?"

"Only because"- Tak looked away from her instruments to look at Dib. "I want to kill Zim. After that, you're on your own."

Dib gave a small smile. That's all he really needed – help to get back at Zim. After that, it was just life on Earth, back to normal – chasing the paranormal. He was starting to miss it already, in fact! Yeah!

Dib enjoyed the rest of the ride in silence. Occasionally looking over at Tak. Her human disguise seemed so friendly, with a smile that he came to associate such a strong sense of humor. Dib remembered Tak being funny, even back when she was on Earth. There were just small jokes littered everywhere around life that someone like her would pick up, even if the jokes were other people. The greatest part was the way she hid her humor from everyone. You can't fake laughter, it's how people choose their friends.

If only she wasn't a murderer that, or at least was, bent on destroying his planet.

"Are we a team?" Dib asked. He never was part of a team before. He had the work alone to save humanity. Sometimes he had help, but never had anyone saved his life directly, or even followed him somewhere willingly. They were always dragged along, kicking, mostly him, and screaming, mostly at him.

Tak gave a long look at Dib, her eyes darting from the top of his forehead to his toes and then back again. "You aren't trying to kill me, and I don't really think I would kill you. Yet."

"So, we are?" Dib held his breath.

"I guess."

"Yes!" Dib jumped in the air, only to hit his head on the top of the cockpit's windows. Rubbing his head, he continued. "You and me! A team! We'll have each other's backs, solving mysteries, fighting monsters, taking back Earth! We'll be unstoppable! Imagine, just the two of us, our names feared across the galaxy!"

"Calm down! I'm trying to drive!" Tak said, as she narrowly avoided collision with a rock. "Also, I don't think we would be solving any mysteries, Dib. We won't have time to. Don't get too excited about this whole thing. I am not sure I'm willing to commit."

"Come on, Tak," Dib said. "We're already a capable pair. Remembered how I blinded that bartender right before you caught me from a death by falling?"

"Yeah but that was a one time thing." Tak said, rubbing her shoulders with an awkward smile. "I just really needed that key."

They arrived shortly after back at the base when Dib realized something as he saw the two sleeping rockman.

"The dealers from earlier," Dib rubbed his hair. Please don't kill me, Tak, Dib thought. "Do you think they could track us here by following our heat signature? That's how we found you."

Tak walked over to Ruwen, snoring away in dreamland, and kicked him lightly in the chest. "I had intended that. This time, I activated the Cutter's coolant masking systems. They wouldn't have a trail."

"I can't believe they're still out."

"We have only been gone for less than a couple of hours."

Dib walked over to Ruwen's body. There, right next to his body, was Jim's own personal shotgun. The red and white beast. He could lift it, just barely. "It's heavy." Tak snatched the gun from Dib's hands and threw it into the darkness.

"Not a problem for me," she said.

"Well, I don't have experience as a trained super solider or something. How do you expect me to hold it?"

Tak narrowed her eyes at Dib. "I didn't," she managed to speak out, before laughing at Dib's face. Dib gave out a sigh. Fine, he would make his own way to the Vault. The key is with him, after all. Tak, however, outmatched his pace and took the lead, walking ahead of Dib.

"You don't want to wake them, or anything?" They wouldn't really bad company. "We could use the backup in case anything the Vault is dangerous. I mean, what if it's meant to contain some sort of alien Bigfoot?" Even though it was only his second time, the familiarity of the base made it feel a lot smaller. He knew exactly what turns Tak was going to make.

"You saw that door. If what you say is true and a giant monster is really inside, all we have to do is walk a couple steps back." There was smirk on her face. "We wouldn't even need a weapon."

"What if-" Dib ran off wild speculations, about zombie viruses, regular viruses, cyrochambers, time traveling toilets, and every single one was shot off by Tak.

"If there really is an army of Zim clones," Tak said, dismissively. "I promise to shoot you before I do myself."

Illumination from Tak's base acted like a spotlight for the door, highlighted its ordinariness. Tak gently placed the briefcase at a nearby desk. Dib looked into his palm. He was holding something worth ten million. It didn't look ten million but, as Tak said earlier, looks are deceptive.

"Want to do the honors, Tak?" She snatched the key from Dib. "You could have just said yes."

Her hand, disguised like a human's, trembled as the key in it approached the lock. It froze, just short of entering. Dib asked, cautiously, what was wrong.

"It's just, like you said, I don't know if I want to know what's inside," Tak said.

"Wait, I didn't say that."

"You kind of implied it, with talks of vampire androids."

"Two things," Dib held out two fingers. "One, vampires and androids are often not mutual, at least, on Earth. This is because-"

"And two?" Tak didn't have time for this. Maybe when they're sitting at a playground, with the only potentially harmful thing being a poorly disguised Invader, but not now.

"Two: it only makes me want to open the door more." Tak returned a chuckle. The least she could do. That wasn't bad. She placed the key inside the lock and attempted to twist it. Perfect. With the sound of a cluck, the knob was now loose.

"You know," Tak said, her elbow resting on the hinges of the door. "I did most of the work getting this thing open."

"And?" Dib asked, his breath becoming irregular.

"Yet, you show up at the last moment, and I have to give a share." Dib slipped his hand into his trenchcoat, feeling for the Vibrator gun, while placing very close attention to Tak. "And I never felt better."

Dib relaxed his grip. "Oh. For a second, I thought you were going to-"

"I've been betrayed. I have betrayed. I like to think we are all past backstabbing." Tak admitted. "Lets just open this damn thing and get it over with." Dib couldn't help but nod at that. With a gentle push, Tak nudged the door open.

"Dib!" She yelled. "You would not believe this!"

"What!" Dib felt his heart going bloody overboard. He could believe anything, yet he felt like he couldn't believe this specifically.

"I can't see a bloody thing," Tak slammed the door shut. "It's too dark!" She ran past Dib.

"What now?" Dib asked, watching as she frantically pulled drawers open.

"Looking for something that could be used to light up the Vault." There was a clash as Tak kicked a mechanical contraption. "I swore I left something here. Don't tell me, for everything I have in this base, getting a simple flashlight wasn't even considered. I thought I would be more prepared"

"I think the bounty hunters had flashlights on their guns." Dib recalled. Tak looked up from underneath a desk.

"Then I'm going back to get one. Just stay here, I'll be right back." Tak faced the hallway that lead to the entrance of the cave. "Don't touch anything or my security systems may accidentally kill you and I'd have to clean up the mess."

Dib hoped she was joking about her apathetic approach to his possible death, but gave a nod. He watched Tak turned a corner in her personal catacombs, out from his sight. Alone, Dib considered browsing some of the computers scattered around him, but decided against him at the thought of being gunned down by unseen turrets. That would probably really hurt.

He looked at the Vault door. She didn't say anything about exploring it first, right? He peaked through a gap, as the door wasn't completely closed. Tak wasn't kidding, the Vault was blanked in pitch black. It was so dark that Dib guessed it would probably be brighter shutting his eyes really tightly. "Oh, I got an idea." He took out The Vibrator. The ray should emit some light, enough for a small peak.

He pointed it into the darkness, aiming for a kill, and squeezed the trigger. Nothing. No, this wasn't right.

"This isn't darkness." Dib nearly tripped as he took a cautious step backwards. This wasn't a Vault, it's a void. No no no no no no. The thing was eating light. Dib grabbed a random object from a nearby desk – a purple, Irken flashlight, and threw it into the 'vault'. "Wait, that was a"- It completely disappeared past the door. Not because it fall into some abyss or because it blended in with the darkness. No. It vanished. "Flashlight."

He had to warn Tak. His legs pushed the cave floor. His trenchcoat flew from the waist down. He nearly slipped a couple of times. He was rushing to the entrance.

Dib came to a split in the hallway. Which way lead back? Left!

The alien pipes and wiring were foreign. Must have been a wrong turn. Dib was right about to correct his mistake.

'Security Room: Everything Necessary To Override This Base's Defenses. Completely Unguarded And Just Begging For Takeover!' There was an Irken insignia on top of the text.

"Why would she write that?" Dib asked, but shrugged it off. "Probably standard issue." It didn't hurt to take a look, right? He stepped in front of the automatic door. It opened, revealing a bunch of Irken monitors and stuff. There was like a camera for every room. Well, at least, probably. Dib didn't know how many rooms there were in the first place. But there were probably… not a lot. Most of the monitors were off. Of one of the few cameras that were activated, however, one really took Dib's interest. A camera overlooking the main entrance.

He spotted Tak surrounded by a bunch of other aliens. The dealers. How did they even track them down? He pushed a couple buttons. Something must be able to allow him to zoom in, or listen.

"The Giant Rabbits of Dust, scientific name: Reali Scari, is-"

"The Library of Alpha Centauri has the largest collection of-"

"Twelve hours mating-"

"The Almighty Tallest are just about to commence the preorders for the Greater Assigning for Operation Impending Doom Three-"

"Listen, Undesirable." That was Rock's voice. Finally, back to reality. Why does Tak have access to so many different channels? "We could do this the easy way or the, erm-"

"The easier way." Through the video feed, Dib could easily recognize The Bartender, now wearing a white medical eyepatch, and his shotgun. "I'm not a greedy guy"- As if, Dib thought. "But monies are monies. Your bounty may not be worth as much as the Vault, but no matter. It's worth something."

With a gun in front of her, on both her sides, and behind her, she didn't look like she stood a chance, especially with an empty revolver. "You take one step closer and I'll-I'll take down all of you with me."

"So, I guess humans are gullible." Rock gave a laugh. "Just like Irkens."

Tak staggered, looking around nervously. "W-What are you talking about?"

The Bartender gave a laugh of his own. Funny. "Where's your human mate? I didn't think Irkens ate their lovers."

Dib drew a sharp breath, cursed himself, and examined the control panels. There has to be- ah. One giant button was labeled as 'Security Override.' The button was slammed. A red, laser force-field activated a the door. Dib couldn't hold in his maniacal laugh. This isn't the first time he took over an Irken's defenses, but it was definitely the first time he did it to save one. Man, they really got to at least install passwords on these things.

"Welcome," said an automated voice. Female-defaults. "Thank you for purchasing a commercial license of the Irken Military Armed Defense System. IMADS. Please support the Irken Empire by submitting to our enslavement programs. Use the promotional code provided with your purchase to get a discount for all brainwashing centers, which are renowned for being mostly painless."

"Could you just get on with it?" Dib shouted, watching as The Bartender muttered something to the other henchman. Instructions to shoot?

"To get a list of features, shout LIST."

"List! List! List! List!"

"Please give one instruction at a-" Dib pressed a button labeled 'mute'. How did he not notice that earlier? He looked across scores of instruments, keys and levers. No idea what any would do. He seemed hopeless to help, until he noticed a touchscreen at the corner. It repeated the camera feed, but with an array of options on screen, highlighting various weapons and options. Dib pressed the option to access The Bartender's shotgun.

"Explode, huh? Here goes nothing."

Dust scattered the camera feed. Wow, these speakers really compressed the eruption. Tak was nowhere to be seen, but the were henchman frantically shooting at something offscreen. Dib relaxed his muscles, and inspected the other options.

'Direct Turret Control.'

'Blackout.'

'Lock Doors.'

That last one sounded useful. Dib scanned the other cameras. Glimpses of Tak's PAK legs could be seen at the corner of some feeds but, otherwise, she was hidden from view. "You know how much Irkens are worth!" The Bartender, though rolling on the floor, still shouted orders. "Bring her in dead!"

The enemy group split up at different corridors, guns held tightly. Rock followed one bipedal cockroach holding a rifle into a corridor that lead towards where Dib or The Vault was.

"I'm hiding in the Vault, Dib," said Tak, remotely. No no no no no. "Oh, forgot to tell you. They found us. You've got a lot of explaining to do."

Dib looked back at his security interface. "I could lock out Rock temporarily if I act quick enough, but I also risk locking her out as well." He gave out a sigh. "Need to act fast. Got to warn Tak about The Vault."

Dib activated a lock, causing a door to shut in Rock's face. The look on his face, Dib thought, laughing. The mute button was pressed again.

"Is there a way to disable the forcefield?"

"The room," the automated voice continued, "is currently under lockdown for the next half hour or until security override is overridden."

"How do I override the security overrides?"

"Please speak slower."

"How. Do. I. Override. The. Security. Override."

"Please enter your security override code into the console."

"That's dumb. Why would I need a code to end the security override but not one to activate it?"

"If you were an intruder, you would be locked in this room with no access out."

Dib gave a sigh as he kicked the controls. "That's still a pretty stupid idea. I can use the systems to attack the base's own occupants."

"Please repeat the instruction." This computer had to be mocking him. Dib noticed an Irken microphone, resembling a bulky pen, at the corner of the control panel. It looked like a microphone, anyways, with audio receiver holes.

"I could warn Tak through the base's broadcast system," Dib ran over to the microphone. "But, at the same time, I can't use the Vault as a trap for the bandits." From one of the camera feeds, Dib finally saw Tak in plain sight. She was still wearing her human disguise, despite using her PAK's spider legs. Odd.

She was also getting dangerously close to The Vault.

"Will the blackout option open all doors in the base?"

"As the doors are magnetic, they are set to automatically release in the event of a power failure or forced blackout."

"If an intruder could just turn off the power, what's stopping him from just escaping?"

"I didn't say I was well designed."

The base became completely covered in darkness, with thermals and computers being the only sources of light. Emergency power The doors were released, sliding back into the roof, or the sides, depending on the door. The force field was down. Dib ran out of the security room.

"Tak!" He yelled before bumping into a wall. He followed the various odd lighting from pipes and stray screens that didn't shut down.

"Dib! Did you initiate a blackout?" She yelled back.

"Yeah! Just hang in there, I need to tell you something." Dib could make out Tak, using the desk as cover, thanks to some light from the computer on said desk. He ran and joined her in cover, crouched next to her. "Do not enter the Vault," Dib whispered.

Tak raised an eyebrow. Her face was illuminated by the glow of the computers while the rest of her body was hidden. "Why not? What did you find in there? How did you find anything in there? It was completely pitch black."

"Remember that red light, the one that blinded The Bartender? I used it to take a look inside a little." Dib gave himself a hard swallow at the thought of throwing the flashlight. "It's not a Vault. It's a portal."

"A portal?"

"I threw something inside and it completely disappeared. I think it's either a miniature black hole or portal or something. I don't know. I just know it's too dangerous to enter. Had to stop you from entering as you may get not be able to escape or it may destroy your body."

There was a crash coming from the corridor, along with the clutter of mechanical objects hitting the floor at high speeds. "I swear, we're just going to shoot you this time. No negotiation!" yelled Rock, firing a shot into the darkness.

"Tak, I got a plan." Dib whispered. "I need you to turn on the lights."

"So I'm doing things for you now?"

"We do things for each other," Dib felt himself smile at that. "That's what teams do."

Tak gave a couple of pats on Dib's shoulder before sneaking into the darkness, blending in perfectly. Must be cloaking, Dib thought, as he opted to stay as hidden as he could behind another desk, one without a computer. He just had to wait for the main lights to go back on.

A beam of green light, their searchlights, shot straight above his head, but quickly moved to another part of the base. The Bartender's team spread out around the main chamber. Dib could her the unmistakeable sound of rock grinding against the ground, each step louder than the last. The unmistakable smell of mud grew stronger. The floor was now vibrating, in small amounts.

The entire room bloomed with light.

"Hey guys!" Dib got out of his cover, waving his hands nervously. "I am betraying my ally, therefore making us have a common enemy, so you have to trust me!" Please buy it.

"Hey," The Bartender said, returning with a wave of his own. "So Irkens don't eat their male after mating?"

"What? No. We didn't even-" Dib gave a grunt of disgust. "Anyways, I see you guys are also looking for the Vault."

"I was counting on that tracker." Rock said. "That gun I gave you? Lead us straight here."

"I kind of figured that out already," Dib said. This improvisation better work. "I mean, it had no ammo, you wanted me to follow Tak to the Vault so you could find its location. You were kind of see through."

"So, why did you play along, following her to the deal?"

"Oh, well, just thought I needed backup in order to betray Tak." That sounded convincing enough, right? Dib noticed that Rock, The Bartender, and his henchman, had lowered their weapons.

"That is the Vault," Dib pointed at the half-opened door. "It doesn't look like much. Who wants to go in first?" One of the henchman eagerly raised his claws.

After Dib gave a nod, the two henchman rushed through the door. "I guess I'll see what all the fuss is about," said The Bartender, following along. Oh man, this was way too easy.

Rock gave Dib a skeptical look, watching as his whole team disappear into the Vault. "You sure it's safe?"

"No," admitted Dib with a shrug.

"Okay." Rock squeezed through the gap. "Hey, wait a-"

Dib raised his feet. There was a slip, and Rock fall into the void. Dib shut the door, twisted and pulled out the key, before taking a moment to catch his breath. It was all over.

"I hate to admit it," Tak said from behind. "But that was impressive."

"Aw, shucks." Dib rubbed the back of his head. She thinks he's impressive! "They were just so easy to fool."

"Guess he was wrong about 'humans being gullible'," Tak approached the door. She gave out a sigh of relief and a smile. She picked up the briefcase that was placed next to the Vault. "We could send a drone inside," She said, looking at the door. "Probably have a spare somewhere."

"Hold it, you two," Dib and Tak turned to see two rockman at the corridor. Ruwen and Jim. "I want to settle this quickly. Just follow us without trying to kill us."

"Aren't we supposed to have a truce?" Dib asked.

"I don't know man. You like, knocked us out before we agreed so kind of no."

Tak raised her hand up, to stop Dib from talking. "You want us?"

"Yeah, that's basically what we just-"

"You better be more prepared. Base Defenses, Activate!"

* * *

Dump and Ride wasn't the most well maintained of garages. The billboard was hanging slightly on its left, the gate wouldn't fully close and the vending machines seem to overcharge for a can of Poopa Cola. Like, seriously, five monies?

It did, however, hold Tak and Dib's only escape vehicle – the prototype vessel. It looked like a horrifying mess of Vortian, Irken and some other alien influences that Dib couldn't recognize. To make up for its design, that resembled a scorpion without its stinger with claws that were blocky and rectangular, it was a huge ship. Somewhere in between a standard single pilot cruiser and a battleship, suitable for small crews.

Dib ran to the piloting cockpit and took a seat. Tak took hers right after. The cockpit lit up, and various engine-y sounds ran throughout the ship. A roar erupted right outside the garage, along with large, gigantic footsteps. The rabbit was nearing.

"Come on," Dib said. "It's still warming up."

"Activate the ship's artificial captain." Tak scooted over to the other end of the cockpit. "He should be able to speed up the process."

Dib scanned his instruments and tools, before finding the right button. He knew it was the right button because… because he just did!

"Ship's Auto-Captain activated."

That voice.

"So, who's ready to rain some doom?"

It couldn't be…

"Hey! I said, "who's ready to rain some doom?' Is anyone listening? Wait-"

"Zim," Tak and Dib said in unison.

"I immediately regret suggesting that," Tak said. "Could you just get us out of here?"

"Eh?"

"Zim!" Dib shouted. "You're the ship's AI?"

"Dib-human! What are you- you stole this vessel!" Chucks of the garage broke open as a giant, pink rabbit smashed through the wall. Wait, this AI considered itself not as part of the ship, or the ship itself, but as another rider?

"We need to get out, now!" Tak commanded.

"Why should I?"

"Because if you don't, the ship is going to be destroyed. You and your programming will be destroyed!"

"Fine. Fine!" The ship hoovered, before flying straight into the wall caused by the rabbit, narrowly dodging its pew. Dib and Tak gave a simultaneous sigh as they watched clouds pass by them.

"Is there a way to deactivate him?" Dib asked.

"Deactivate him? Why would you want to deactivate Zim? Anyways, it's impossible. Now, Irken, eject the human thief out of the airlock."

Tak raised her eyebrow. "How do you know I'm Irken? I'm in disguise."

"Do not question my brilliance!" Dib gave a sigh at the remark. "I simply scanned your organs."

"D-do you actually recognize me?" Tak asked.

"Nope. Never seen you before in my life." Maybe his memory banks are faulty. Yeah, that's plausible.

"Wait," Dib said. "Do you remember who I am?"

"Why is the Dib-flith still in the in the ship? I've ordered you to-"

"You don't have clearance over me," Tak said, before reciting various numbers and letters in quick succession.

"Wait. What was that? Like, native Vortian or something?"

"They were your override codes!" Tak shouted. "You were supposed to delete yourself."

"Zim obeys no 'override codes.' I'm the captain. If anything, I should be the one overriding you."

Tak calmed herself with a sigh. "Okay, lets try something different. This statement is false."

"So?"

This is going to be a long ride.

"How about a more situational paradox? Lets say you have an enemy. You want to desultory him by sending a weapon in the past to blow him up."

"Victory for Zim!" There was something about this that made Dib feel rather uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how, but it sounded too familiar.

"But, if you kill him," Tak took a glance at Dib. "He wouldn't be your enemy."

"Big deal! What's your point exactly?"

"So, you wouldn't send a giant robot whatever into the past to destroy him."

"Different timelines, Irken. There would still be a version of me that won. I thought this was covered in Elite Training."

Tak punched a random part of the cockpit, as though she it would hurt Zim, or at least, this AI of him, before marching off from the piloting cockpit, leaving Dib alone. Dib noticed that they were approaching space outside the window.

"You forgot who that was, didn't you?" Dib asked.

"No clue at all. What's her problem?"

"Remember that one time, years ago, where an Invader tried to steal your mission?"

"That wasn't an Invader! She was a janitorial drone trying to be something she's not and blaming me for her own problems." Dib smacked his face.

"That's the same drone, you idiot!"

"No."

"Yes. That was Tak."

"I have no idea who Tak is."

"Okay." Here goes nothing. "You do know that I'm supposed to be your arch-enemy."

"How can I forget? You tried to ruin my mission from The Tallest. I'm surprised I haven't blown you up yet." Dib realized, he too was surprised. Yeah, why haven't Zim sent him out the airlock like he said he was going to?

"Why are you still letting me sit here?"

"Because my mission is complete," The Zim AI said. "So you're no longer a threat."

"You're just going to let me fly around in this ship?"

"I don't see why not. I'm just waiting for The Tallest to arrive and congratulate me on a job well done."

"Wait, you know you're an AI, right? You're not the actual Zim."

"What kind of AI wouldn't know that? Everyone single AI in an Irken ship knows its not the real thing or whatever." An image of Zim materialized right beside Dib. It was transparent and all digital-y. "Doesn't mean this Zim is inferior!"

Outside the window, it was apparent they were in space. Dust rested right below them, looking like a huge ball of… sand. Man, isn't it convenient how Irken ships ignore orbital physics?

"What's the real reason you aren't ejecting me out of the airlock?" Dib asked.

"I don't have any mapping data of this part of the galaxy. If I were to get rid of you and the Irken, I would be stuck, drifting endlessly in space. I need you to get me back to Earth."

This is perfect.

"Nice laugh," said the hologram Zim. "It's almost worthy of an Invader! But seriously, why are you doing that?"

"Nothing." Dib lied. "Just felt like it. I'm going to go check on Tak."

He walked through the corridors of the ship. The walls were coated in a mix of Irken purple and an odd cyan. Dib caught Tak staring into the surface of Dust, leaning against a window.

"I'm not," she said. "Riding with him. Even if it's just an imitation."

"Come on Tak. Think about it. We want to- wait, do you think he can hear us?"

"Not if we used our minds," Tak's voice said. Telepathy woo!

Dib leaned in close to Tak, whispering into her holographic ear. "We can use him to take back Earth. He thinks we are helping him return and he has all of Zim's memories so we can get all sorts of information from him, like passwords-"

"What is a password?"

"It's something you use to lock your systems up so nobody could just walk in and use them." Tak's eyes widened.

"That sounds… amazing! How come nobody thought of doing that before?"

"People use them on Earth all the time. You're telling me that your species, an empire capable of taking over the galaxy, never invented the concept of passwords?"

"We just set the machines to kill anyone that's unauthorized. You're telling me we could have just denied access from the beginning?" Throughout this whole conversation, Tak's mouth did not move to speak. It was all, in a way, inside Dib's head. "Fine. I'll ride with you, but if Zim becomes too much to handle-"

"We'll take care of it somehow," Dib said. "Speaking of taking care of things: we'll need some sort of plan to take back Earth."

"How tightly guarded could Earth be? I don't imagine Zim actually being able to defend a planet."

"There's an entire forcefield surrounding the planet, like some sort of shield. There are orbital cannons ready to tear apart any intruder. There's no way, just with this, we stand a chance."

Tak froze, blankly staring into space. Literally. "Okay, that's kind of remarkable."

"We'll need a crew, Tak. Beyond just the two of us. We need additional weapons, and ships and all sorts of other stuff in order to even make it to the surface."

"Where are we even going to get this crew?" Just as soon as Tak finished her sentence, there was a beeping noise throughout the ship. "That's a distress beacon. A very urgent distress beacon one, considering its broadcasting over the ship." What is up with convenient timings?

"Zim!" Dib shouted. "Play the beacon!"

"What must you say?" The Zim hologram materialized right behind Tak and Dib.

"Please?"

The Zim hologram snapped his fingers.

"If anyone could hear this – we're trapped in a… we don't know but we're sending our coordinates." The male voice spoke with Tak's accent. "At this rate, we'll take an Irken scout over whatever fate this planet has instilled for us. This is Lard Nar, of the Resisity, or what's… left of it. Please send help, our ships are heaps of scrap at the moment."

"The Resisity?" Tak repeated. "That's not a bad name?"

"What?" Dib asked. It was a terrible name.

"If they're really a resistance force against the Irken empire, a name like that is perfect. It makes them look so weak and incompetent that they'll be overlooked by the empire," Tak said.

Zim was wide-eyed after hearing the broadcast. "Lard Nar? I know that guy! He used to follow my orders back when I was working at Vort Research Station 9. He designed The Massive."

"The Massive?" Dib asked.

"The Armada's Flagship," Tak said with a smirk. "If he really was the designer… Zim, take us to wherever he is. We got our first crew member."

* * *

Author's Plans:

I originally intended this AN segment to be presented as a separate chapter but it turns out to be against the new guidelines. Okay. This is the first draft of the very first chapter of the story, only proofread a couple of times, so if you spot any mistakes, please PM them to me.

Each chapter will be paced every much like an episode of the show: surrounding a central plot that will be introduced and resolved in the same chapter while, at the same time, progressing the main, overall plot of the entire series.

This will be the only chapter to be uploaded in June, as I have to dedicate myself to my studies - a big exam is coming up. The story will only be updated, with a lot more regularity, from November onward. I have about 18 - 20 chapters planned, each reaching around 20k words.

A rewrite of this very chapter, with many changes involving pacing, will also be included in the November updates, so consider this chapter like a pilot for the entire series.

Plans for the series as a whole:

-Introduce Lard Nar, the character, as part of the main cast. He'll assume the role as captain of the ship.

-The characters will choose to attack The Tallest instead of Zim as a result of Operation Impending Doom III. Therefore, The Almighty Tallest will pay a bigger role in the story than the actual Zim.

-Tak's explanation of why she chooses to wear a human disguise, even on board the ship.

-A strong and realistic Tak and Dib romance. They were both outcast from their societies, after all.

-An awesome name for the prototype cruiser. I'm thinking of going with 'The Prototype'.

-Character development for AI Zim. Yeah, Zim can develop as a character? I know how ridiculous that sounds.

-Each chapter will be uploaded about two weeks apart.

-A good cover art. Maybe I'll commission a good artist to draw one for me. Any suggestions?

-A second installment where Dib actually does take back Earth from Zim, along with an explanation on how Zim managed to succeed in the first place.

-Fix the painful formatting. ruined something that looked fine on LibreOffice.

Anyways, I encourage all feedback and criticism for this story as public reviews, though I strongly encourage all grammar mistakes to be sent privately so I can fix them silently. I will not be active after today (the story's upload date) so responses may be slow. Keep in mind that this chapter is a first draft, and although I did make the effort to correct as many grammar and spelling mistakes that I could in the short time I have, I could do nothing regarding the pacing. In the rewrite of this chapter, for example, I am considering starting the story inside Tak's base rather than at a wanted poster.


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